


Stupid Heart, Stupid Loki

by HatsForBreakfast



Category: Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Edging, Frottage, Incest, Loki thinks he's smart, M/M, Masturbation, Pre-Thor, Voyeurism, Weird spot where Thor and Loki don't know what they are to each other, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 06:53:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2099769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HatsForBreakfast/pseuds/HatsForBreakfast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Or, the four times Loki fell in love and didn't realize, and the one time Thor did)</p><p>Thor was always smiling; this was no different, Loki reasoned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stupid Heart, Stupid Loki

**Author's Note:**

> It wasn't my intent to make them underaged, but they do come off that way a bit. I figure they're at least 17-18 by the last segment, but if that makes you nervous, then please don't read. And yes, they're totally brothers here, with all the gooey conflicted feelies about incest.

 

I

The first time Loki sees it is during battle. Thor was hovering above him, too near not to have a purpose. A ripple of fear went through Loki’s veins, like slow ice forming. He almost couldn’t breathe, with the wind knocked from his lungs and Jarnbjorn sinking into his doppelganger’s abdomen. Thor’s eyes had gone wide, pupils blown to twice their ordinary size. He desperately yanked the blade out, fingers scrabbling at the hilt, against their cautionary training not to, and lost a tangled shout in the back of his throat when Loki’s double shimmered and faded away. Thor had immediately stilled, unable to register that Loki had used magic. The trembling in his fingers wouldn’t stop, though the axe had been removed. His mind couldn’t process the damage he had done to his brother, even if it was only Loki’s likeness.

Odin had insisted and Thor had pleaded. And Loki, not wanting to enter the arena in front of his father in a domain that belonged entirely to Thor, found and perfected his new duplicate spell with Frigga’s help. Although she hadn’t disagreed with Odin’s desire for their sons to be well-versed in battle, she did understand Loki’s aversion to fighting and had spent a few days and her own magic helping Loki learn how to produce multiples of himself that would fight in his stead. She was relieved when he had mastered it as easily as his other spells, worried that his slighter build would be a disadvantage against Thor’s bulk. They had been evenly matched for a time, but they had grown and their interests diverged and though Frigga loved both her boys equally, she wasn’t keen on watching Loki test his strength against Thor.

Loki cloaked his presence with heavy robes and a distraction spell for unwanted attention and watched his brother safely from the audience. He had used his own comparatively limited knowledge of battle to manipulate his double and had immersed himself so fullythat he began to slip up when he realized how close Thor had gotten on numerous occasions. He had seen everything his duplicate saw and was just as shocked as his brother to the pseudo-feel of the axe lodging in his stomach.

But Thor’s face. Nowhere else would this proximity have been justifiable, so Loki’s mind had shuddered to a full stop at the excruciating definition of Thor’s features mangling into an expression of utter fear. Loki had shivered, feeling Thor’s ghost-grip on his arm when his double had moved to punch Thor after being disarmed. He had felt the blade as a dull prod and imagined that he’d be in considerable pain had it been real, but Thor’s unadulterated reaction hit harder. Thor had hacked a hole in Loki, not his double, and he had been wrecked for it. He had panicked, forgot everything they were both taught and did the first thing he could think of, which was to take back the action and make Loki better.

It was about then that Loki’s magic failed under the mental strain and his duplicate shimmered away. Loki turned on his heel and left. The lines around Thor’s mouth were taut with fear and his eyes had widened too much. Those lines were traced in Loki’s mind over again as the moment looped in his memory. He couldn’t process the sheer intensity of Thor’s terror, grappling with reality to understand why Thor’s response was so dramatic to wounding him, a runt of a brother who in most cases simply seemed to hold him back.

By the time Loki reached his rooms and found relief for his short-circuited mind, he suddenly realized that the knot roiling in his chest at witnessing Thor’s reaction up close was both a source of a rotting ache and a decadent gratification. Thor’s emotion was addicting.

 

II

The second time, Loki wants to make it last. He had caught a glimpse of the bundle of nerves and emotions that rolled under Thor’s surface and it had been too brief an event during their battle. This time, Loki wanted to get a longer look even if it wasn’t as intimate as the first. He went in with a plan to earn Thor’s sympathy, to get that lovely expression of dire need on Thor’s face again.

Loki lingered outside the hall after dinner, a shadow against the wall. Thor’s habit was to eat, entertain his friends and retire for the night. Occasionally, like tonight, Thor would have a maiden suggest the possibility of foregoing the evening with friends and spending it with her in Thor’s rooms. It had become a common occurrence in recent years, since Thor’s growing success in the arena had become a crowd-pleaser. Loki had seen the young woman eyeing Thor throughout dinner with a hunger the next course would not satiate and suppressed a smile. This would be too easy.

Thor wandered out of the dining hall, rubbing his stomach gently and grinning at the wonderful feast. His eyes found a shape like Loki leaning against the wall in the shadows but when he moved to approach him, the shadow vanished and Thor’s skin bristled, a frisson of static stuck in his veins.. He began to question whether or not he saw Loki by the wall, or if he had just wished it. The young maiden from earlier startled him from his thoughts.

“Thor!” she shouted.

He grinned back at her, watching her approach. “Etta, I trust you fair well this evening.”

She nodded. “And you, Thor?”

“Oh, yes.” He glanced around the corridor heading to the staircase. “You have not noticed my brother around here, have you?”

Etta looked momentarily thrown. “… no, I don’t believe so.”

She took a courtesy glance around the area when she realized she couldn’t capture Thor’s distracted gaze. There was a pause and Thor smiled kindly at her. She filled the silence by asking if he wanted accompaniment looking for Loki. He declined the need to search for his brother.

“I am certain he is somewhere with a book, reading as usual. He headed off rather early after dinner.”

Thor didn’t notice Etta’s lack of competence in expressing false concern, but he was still left feeling like he had lost something at sensing Loki so nearby and not having actually seen him. He pushed it to the edge of his mind and focused on his current companion.

“Is there something you wished to discuss, Etta?”

Her body jolted at the sound of her name and she looked at Thor before quickly looking away, a small deferential smile gracing her petite features. Thor watched as she took a moment to breathe in and speak.

“You were extraordinary in the arena today,” she said.

 “Why, thank you, Etta. I was not aware that you were watching. It was not my best day, but I do appreciate your compliment. Loki had promised to show and give me a proper fight—”

Etta gave a little screech, taking a little jump toward Thor, who protectively wrapped an arm around her and looked for the danger. When his eyes alighted on Loki, only a few feet away, he grinned and released Etta from his grasp.

“Brother!”

Loki was looking directly at Etta, leaving Thor unacknowledged. “I’m terribly sorry to have frightened you. Etta.”

“I thought you were lingering around here,” Thor said, hooking an arm around his brother’s shoulders, bringing him into the conversation. “You declined to show for practice today, Loki.”

Loki took a moment to respond, watching Etta’s reaction closely.

“Well, yes. I figured you had had enough last time.”

“Last time!” Thor roared with laughter. “Etta, you did not have the good fortune to catch Loki’s rare appearance in the arena a few weeks ago, did you?”

The petite blonde shook her head, attention entirely on Thor as soon as her name dropped from his lips. “I can’t say I did.”

Loki tilted his head, eyes searching over her features until his mouth twisted into a slight smirk. He allowed Thor to continue.

“He resorted to trickery, my brother. He wielded magic against me. _Magic_ , can you believe such an attack? He had me fooled for quite a while.”

Loki’s lips drew into a thin line. The tone of Thor’s voice chafed him in the wrong place. He kept himself in check though, and turned his attention back to Etta. Both brothers waited for her reaction.

“My, magic? That’s a little… unconventional.”

The muscle in Loki’s neck tightened at that. He held his voice level and remained conversational. “No more so than Thor. Warriors of his status don’t normally choose mundane blades like Jarnbjorn as their arms. Etta, don’t you think Thor is better suited for a more versatile weapon?”

Etta hesitated and Loki pounced.

“Unless, of course, you haven’t quite had the opportunity to see Thor in the arena. I suppose it’s possible, despite your earlier claims of having admired Thor today, you actually haven’t. It could have been a different green-eyed, slim blonde creature who regaled Fandral with her charms this afternoon. Why, you might just rival me for title of Silvertongue, my lovely Etta. And I so admire a woman who isn’t truthful.”

Loki was prepared for the small hand that slapped his face. He hadn’t anticipated the sting on his left cheek to smart that much though. He smiled through the pain and nodded respectfully to Etta.

“I will not be slandered by you, Loki Odinson!”

“My apologies, Etta,” Thor said, wedging himself in front of Loki to put some distance between the two.

“Why, I hadn’t known how feisty you are,” Loki said softly. “I think you’ve gripped my heart all the more tightly for that.”

Thor glanced back at Loki, finding his grin perfectly in place. He shot his brother a warning look, wanting him not to push this further.

“Loki does not often know how to express his affection,” Thor ventured as an explanation, laying a hand on Etta’s shoulder. “Please do forgive him for his transgression against your name.”

Etta’s frown warped into a girlish smile and she nodded at him, after cutting Loki a sharp glare while Thor wasn’t watching. For the moment, Loki accepted her refusal and was content to observe.

Thor stepped aside to give Loki a little room back in their conversation. Loki noticed his action and thought Thor foolish to allow him any reign in the situation after what had just taken place.

“Etta,” Thor said quietly. “You wished to discuss something with me?”

Neither brother missed the quick glance at Loki. Etta laid a hand on Thor’s forearm.

“I wanted to know if you had planned to go off with your friends tonight or not…”

Thor chuckled. “Well, Volstagg did mention that—”

Etta’s hand slid further up to rest on Thor’s bicep. Loki’s brow quirked at her action, he was impressed with her ability to silence Thor. Thor glanced at her fingers, splayed over his skin and he understood her intentions in that moment.

“Oh.” Thor said.

She pressed further at Thor’s stunted response. “I was thinking, if you were free, of course… that perhaps we could spend some time together, maybe start with a walk through the gardens?”

Loki snorted at the expression over Thor’s face. He had been offered this proposition many times before, but never by someone who he believed Loki to have set his sights upon. Etta’s eyes narrowed at Loki, cold emeralds glittering at him in challenge, and Loki took the opportunity to intervene with Thor’s hesitation.

“Etta, allow me to spare your heart. Thor will accept your offer because that’s part of who he is. Equal parts a gentleman, a fool and a lover. You will come to realize that he means nothing serious and certainly does not mean to hurt you, but his eagerness was promising and that had you hoping, so even as you take your leave you’ll want to hate him, but you can only blame yourself for approaching someone so far out of your reach.”

Etta’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment before she stared at Loki. Her lip curled in a frown, lines of her distressed etched over her face.

“I don’t understand.”

“Oh, Etta. I know you understand. You don’t want to believe, is the word you’re looking for. I think you’ll find that someone with less of a… reputation to uphold, would be more appreciative your company.”

Loki extended his hand, a small offering forming from immaterial wisps of magic. Thor watched, entranced at his brother’s beautiful creation.

She looked at the delicate and ornately jeweled hair clip for a fraction of a second before searching Thor’s face for the truth Loki had spoken. When Thor made no move to defend her from his brother’s advances or offer himself in Loki’s place, Etta swiped the hair clip out of Loki’s hand. She raised it in a fist and dashed it upon the ground, the dark rubies skittering across the floor and the filigree crumpling under the stress. Loki simply watched; the edges of his mouth upturned in amusement. Thor was rattled by her outburst and moved to hold her still and calm her.

“That was a gift from my brother. I do not think what you did was very kind—”

“No, what isn’t kind is standing here while Loki propositions me right in front of you, Thor!”

“As opposed to the innocent seduction you had planned to work on Thor,” Loki said. “You’ve never stepped foot in the arena, yet you make claims about Thor’s skill as a warrior.”

Etta shrugged Thor’s hands from her with a rough tremor. She backed away from the brothers and snarled at Loki.

“There’s a reason no one likes you,” she said.

She turned and left as quickly as she had come, leaving Thor to take a few halting steps after her, begging her to apologize for her unkind words and pleading with her to be patient with Loki. Thor returned moments later when he realized that reaching Etta was a futile exercise. He looked at Loki, who was stooped down as he collected the rubies from the floor.

Thor kneeled down to help him. He even tried to bend the delicate filigree of the clip back into a more respectable shape but ended up mangling the thing further. He handed the gems and the broken clip to Loki, who took it without meeting Thor’s gaze.

“Brother, are you alright?” Thor asked.

Loki took the chance that Thor offered and inhaled noticeably before looking up and finding Thor’s eyes. Even though he had prepared and counted down to this moment, the empathy over Thor’s face still took him by surprise. Thor’s brows were pressed together and there was a furrow across his forehead as he tried to gauge Loki’s level of hurt. Loki found his eyes slipping across Thor’s face, drinking in every last line that twisted his expression into one of pity and comfort. He lingered on Thor’s mouth, shaped sensuously by the frown that marred his face. Loki didn’t understand how Thor could be so terribly understanding. Though his intent was to gain his brother’s sympathy, the show Loki put up for it hadn’t warranted such a reaction from Thor.

Loki looked back down at the fragments of the hair clip. “It’s not a problem. I can fix it easily with my… magic…”

“She was cruel, brother. I assure you that I could never spend time with someone who would insult you so callously.”

Loki closed his hand over the clip before unfurling his hand to reveal it entirely undamaged and sparkling with brighter rubies than before. He put it in Thor’s hand.

“Then perhaps you can find someone who would appreciate this more than Etta.”

Thor gave Loki’s shoulder a firm squeeze. “I believe you will still find someone, Loki. Etta’s words are not true—”

Loki laughed, a rough sound that hurt Thor to hear. “Please, Thor. Isn’t she right? People only like me because of you.”

“That is not—”

“But I thank you for your lie.”

Something in Thor had shut down when Loki spoke. The empathy he had earned had vanished and Loki was suddenly at a loss of what to do next. He stood there, wondering what had caused this newly-found light to disappear. Thor glanced up from the clip for a moment and Loki watched helplessly as concentration played over his brother’s face, scrunching his features into jagged lines. Thor’s thoughts, which Loki had no hope of deciphering, made an involuntary shiver crawl up his back. But before he could find the first string to unravel Thor’s mind, Thor’s features relaxed with his obscured revelation. There was loss in the tight press of Thor’s lips and the lowered eyes. It struck a fire in the pit of Loki’s stomach, brought his blood to the surface to see Thor’s face engineer such a complex, blended expression. Loki felt vulnerable and empty for a second, he was not capable of working with such unprocessable feelings. He couldn’t form words to express his own loss at forcing the radiance to flit from Thor’s face.

Thor pressed the clip back into Loki’s hand and turned to retire for the night. As Thor headed off around the corridor, he heard a soft clatter and looked back. Loki had disappeared and the filigreed hair clip was lying on the floor, glittering at him.

 

III

The third time is an accident. Loki only managed to catch the strength of Thor’s emotions because of his own anger at Thor’s ignorance. Father had forbade him to step foot on Midgard, and while Loki chafed at any type of ban, his particular qualm with Odin was that the Allfather had failed to give him a convincing reason. Loki was becoming a capable enchanter and didn’t understand why he had been denied a short, well-cloaked visit to the primitive realm. As a potential future king, Loki reasoned that he would need every taste he could get of the Nine Realms before taking the throne and Midgard was one of the last on the list.

He found Thor in the court with his friends and he had watched from a distance as Thor conversed spiritedly with Volstagg about their latest feast away from Asgard. It was a small thing that got Thor’s attention, a whisper of Loki’s magic touching across the courtyard. Thor’s gaze found Loki sitting on one of the stone benches tucked inside an alcove, watching him.

Thor politely excused himself from his friends and was at Loki’s side quicker than expected.

“Brother, what troubles you?”

Loki hesitated a moment, eyeing Thor’s friends around his brother’s form. He stood up and took a few steps away, looking at Thor to follow. Thor glanced back at his friends, offered a wave and a smile before taking a few long strides to catch up to Loki.

“You do not feel comfortable enough with my friends to approach me in their presence?” Thor asked, genuinely concerned with his brother’s lack of socialization.

The smile on Loki’s face made Thor’s chest tight with regret for asking.

“I’m afraid your friends don’t much care for me, Thor.”

“They simply have not had the opportunity to enjoy your company as I have,” Thor explained.

Loki tilted his head, looking at Thor to see if he believed his statement to be the truth. He gave a small nod, his lips a thoughtful frown as he realized that Thor truly believed Loki could be liked if he were more sociable. He filed that thought away to muse upon later; he wanted to focus on the reason that originally brought him to Thor.

“Father has forbidden my journey to Midgard.”

 “There is no magic on Midgard, brother. It is a delight for me, with the humans’ many battles, but it is primitive and simple. You would not enjoy it.”

Loki fell out of step with Thor and eventually slowed to a stop. Thor looked back at Loki.

“What halts you, Lok—”

Thor was interrupted by Skári, the youngest Asgardian to join the Einherjar. He had run most of the way and was slightly out of breath, but he gave the brothers a sweaty grin before wiping his brow.

“Thor! You were supposed to meet with the Allfather today,” Skári said. “He wanted to talk about your progress in the arena.”

Thor’s face lit up in pride and he slid easily into a shared camaraderie with one of his best sparring partners. He clapped Skári on the back and nodded.

“Yes, my friend. Thank you for the reminder. Odin has been a common face in the crowds as of late. I would stake Jarnbjorn that he believes me ready to join the Vanir in their war against the Jotuns.”

Skári laughed and thumped Thor’s chest with a palm. “I would bet a cask of mead that you are right.”

Loki’s eyes narrowed at their exchange and he started walking again, determined to find a space where he wouldn’t be bothered. It was a mistake to come to Thor. As he walked away, he heard Thor’s elation transform into a rushed and stuttered apology to the warrior and a quick message to send back to Odin before Thor’s quick footfalls headed toward him.

Thor grabbed Loki’s shoulder. When Loki turned, Thor saw that his concerns about Midgard had slid away and been locked up, his neutral expression made his face smooth and waxen.

“Loki, trust me, Midgard has nothing to offer you—”

“Thor, that is far beyond the point I’m trying to make. Father denied my trip and declined to give me a reason. I don’t know why I expected you to understand something so simple.”

Loki dropped his shoulder an inch to remove himself from Thor’s grip and headed back inside the palace. Thor was at a loss for what to say to convince Loki that even if he didn’t understand, he wanted to be supportive.

Loki tossed his comment over his shoulder as he kept his stride. “It would be unwise to keep father waiting, Thor.”

He knew Loki was right, but he wasn’t done with his brother just yet. Torn between the two needs, he headed off to see Odin with resignation, determined to come back and help Loki resolve his issue when he was done.

Thor found his father before he got to the throne room. It seemed that Odin had just stepped out, his hand still resting on the door’s handle and he approached Thor, wrapping an arm around him and subtly steering them away from room he had just come out.

“I would rather not have an audience for our discussion, my son.”

The hair on the back of Thor’s neck bristled. Odin’s words felt tight and filtered, because his voice wasn’t filled with the infinite pride that it always held whenever Odin spoke to his sons. Thor was receptive though and wanted to hear what his father had to say.

“Skári mentioned that you wanted to discuss my accomplishments in the arena?”

“Yes.”

Odin kept his stride measured and had Thor walking alongside him as they passed by the library. Thor glanced around his father’s back to see if he could make out anything Loki-shaped from his vantage point. They moved too quickly for Thor to get a decent look inside of the library and Odin guided him away.

“Thor, while your skills as a warrior are being honed finely, you are lacking in your studies of our history. As a future king, this is vital knowledge that you will need to rule.”

“Father, I have plenty of time before the throne is a possibility for me. I assure you, I will know everything of our history when the day comes.”

Odin’s chest rose with a deep breath and he squeezed Thor’s shoulder, a gesture that Thor was unused to and he glanced up at his father to find his mouth a hard line. The expression was recognizable, but he couldn’t place when he had last seen such disappointment.

“My son, I know you’re stalling. It is distressing that you do not care much for learning. At this rate, Loki could even surpass you and I will make the right decision for the future of Asgard, should it come to that.”

Odin watched Thor’s face carefully. He went through a range of emotions, passing through a pain that tightened his jaw, humiliation that burned his cheeks and finally settled on resignation that left his face relaxed and open.

“Loki is not as accomplished in battle, father. If there is anything that will get him an even chance at the throne, I will take it.”

Odin’s footsteps faltered at that. “You’re deliberately stalling your own progress.”

Thor’s head was bowed and Odin couldn’t tell what Thor was thinking. They kept walking, passing through the garden that Thor and Loki had played in nearly every day when they were boys. They were much more evenly matched then. Thor hadn’t had much muscle, and when they fought, Loki often wrestled Thor to the ground despite his slightly smaller stature. Thor had rarely allowed Loki to win, and the times that he did, he felt that he had cheated both of them out of something special. As they grew and Thor began to pack on some muscle, he found himself conceding much more often than he used to and eventually Loki stopped trying, probably sensing Thor’s lack of effort. It was about then that Thor took to the arena and Loki found his haven in the library.

“Thor, stalling your own progress serves neither you nor Loki. Loki needs a challenge and you need an advisor and brother by your side as king. You’re hardly doing him a service by refusing your responsibilities.”

“But father, Loki is—”

“It doesn’t matter what Loki is,” Odin said. “What matters is that you take your duty seriously and serve Asgard well. You cannot be a boy forever, Thor. One day, you’ll take the throne and you will do all of Asgard a disservice if you do not learn everything you can!”

“Stop speaking as though I sit upon your throne!” Thor yelled back. “Loki has the same chance that I do—”

“Or perhaps you’d rather not have the honourable responsibility of ruling… You’d push that burden on Loki, someone who cannot properly wield arms? See him and Asgard fail? You are more selfish than I had estimated, Thor. My poor son, how foolish you are.”

Thor’s feet came to a stop, he was breathing heavily. He stared at Odin, trying to take in the blow his father had dealt. Thor felt weary, like fighting an endless battle with his muscles pulling against exhaustion. There was a slight tremor in his exhale and his eyes were shiny.

“Asgard should be proud to have Loki as a king,” Thor said. His voice was even, spoke as if he was conceding the throne.

Odin gripped Thor’s shoulder lightly. “We both know Loki would be better as your advisor. You’re going to sacrifice the good of Asgard for the sake of prolonging this unhealthy competition?”

Thor found his father’s gaze and registered the disappointment in the lines of his face. He blinked and then suddenly recognized why the expression was so familiar. Thor felt small, made to be less by Odin’s admonishing statements. He understood Loki’s frustration with Odin and wanted badly to run to his brother and apologize and express that he knew, he knew how it felt for Odin to make him feel unworthy and that he was sorry to have cast Loki’s concerns aside. Loki’s disappointment must have run deeper than a simple refusal and Thor’s gut twisted in self-hatred that had not worked harder to hear it from his brother.

Thor’s eyes slid from his father’s face and Odin’s hand retracted from his shoulder. Thor was drawn by the movement and glanced back to see Odin’s body shimmering, a fine golden mist before Loki stood in his place.

Thor managed to tamp down a loud roar as he wrapped his hands around Loki’s shoulders, taking a forceful step forward and invading his brother’s space. His eyes bored into Loki’s, searching for an explanation.

Loki felt an errant current of fear course through his veins at Thor’s proximity. There was rage in his eyes and Loki ran through possible directions of this interaction, but before he could settle upon the most probable, Loki was suddenly crushed in Thor’s grip. It took him a second before he could gather enough sense to realize that Thor was hugging him and not trying to suffocate the life from his body. He stood in Thor’s embrace awkwardly, slowly raising his arms to return the gesture. Moments after Loki felt the heat radiating off Thor, his brother stepped back.

Thor’s eyes were damp. “I had no idea.”

Glass had replaced the blood in Loki’s veins. Thor should be livid and using his fists to regain their power balance or at the very least, haul him into an interrogation that Loki would win. This wasn’t in any of the outcomes that Loki had predicted. Thor wasn’t supposed to be standing there, staring at Loki with reddish eyes, his mouth a slash of empathy. Loki couldn’t breathe, the strength that it took for his lungs to inhale had gone to keeping him upright and not grabbing Thor to find something to support himself against.

Loki backed himself against a wall, using it to prop his limp body against and put some distance between himself and Thor. Thor stood there, staring at Loki, his eyes a bright burst of blue made to shine with the tears of his revelation. Loki broke the spell Thor had over him by looking away.

“I am sorry, brother. To have gone to such extremes—”

Thor closed the gap and laid a heavy hand over Loki’s shoulder. “Your magic has come along quite nicely,” he commented. “I never had a chance to see your power up close like this.”

Loki’s gaze was trapped with Thor’s when he found his brother’s eyes at the topic change. He understood it then. Thor deliberately didn’t want to acknowledge that Loki had tried to apologize for something that Thor should have known from the start. Loki’s body hummed with white static to see Thor take the responsibility for this mishap. He had meant to give him a taste of Odin’s chronic disappointment; that Thor would come to understand Loki’s own frustration and agony wasn’t something that Loki had predicted.

And it put him here. Backed against a wall, with Thor’s stupidly infinite love crushing down on him with a weight that left him breathless. Thor’s undiluted warmth and kindness searing his soul and flaying his body clean, bathing him in a radiance that had only ever belonged to the golden prince of Asgard. Loki struggled to accept it and pressed the feeling into his memory, even as it burned down his throat. Thor took a step forward and claimed more of Loki’s space for his own. Loki turned his head to avoid being swallowed by Thor’s gaze this time. He had already soaked in more than he thought he could.

“Loki.”

Thor’s voice came out as more of a ragged whisper than a statement. Loki badly wanted to be able to match Thor’s intensity, to give a little bit more in this one-sided push-and-pull. He was smothered with Thor’s energy and could taste the wisps of electricity around his brother. It was too much and Loki could barely breathe, inhaling small currents of air as he tried to stay afloat in his brother’s presence.

“Loki, you do not fear me, do you?”

Loki couldn’t keep looking away, not at the way Thor’s voice trembled on the word _fear_. Thor was bearing over him, a stance he’d never seen Thor take with another person. He had moulded his body to shape over Loki’s, a barrier to keep him safe from everything beyond Thor. Loki bitterly thought that he needed a barrier from Thor.

“No, Thor,” Loki said quietly, “I don’t fear you.”

The tension drained out of Thor’s body and Loki watched as the beginnings of a smile formed on Thor’s face, ready to ruin his next words.

“I resent you.”

Thor’s brows furrowed and his proto-smile vanished, to Loki’s chagrin, as he realized he has missed an opportunity to see Thor’s smile up close. Thor visibly melted and choked a bit on the stale air in his lungs, incapable of taking a breath after hearing Loki speak.

“Loki…”

“Thor, you’re loved by all. Do you know how it feels to get the remnants of that? Even father—” Loki broke off and Thor pulled him away from the wall.

Thor wrapped Loki up in his arms. He held Loki tight against his body, his arms circling around Loki’s back until there was no hint of space between them. He pressed them together so that Loki felt the dull, quick thud of Thor’s heartbeat. He wondered with panic if Thor could feel his, or if Thor’s own heart battered out the beat of Loki’s. Thor’s hair smelled of ozone and outside and Loki hated it, hated himself as he pushed his face into Thor’s golden mane and inhaled. It was the first deep breath he took since he had posed as Odin. Thor leaned his head on Loki’s shoulder and Loki felt his cheek tense with a smile. He felt Loki’s body loosening in his grip, a subtle yield that earned Loki a firmer embrace.

“Brother, you must demonstrate your magic to me properly one day.”

Loki’s mind was a mess of snaps and cracks and sizzles of energy. Thor’s lips were too close to his ear and he heard the soft inflection of forgiveness in his voice. Loki nodded, exhaling and whispering back an affirmative.

“I promise.”

 

IV

The fourth time, Loki earns Thor’s reaction. Loki prepared for the souring of Thor’s face, with the wrinkle above his brow that was reserved for the very special times that Loki managed to ruin everything save himself. He steeled his body to receive the violent onslaught that Thor delivered once he found out that Loki was the cause of his failure. Thor’s presence was both wonderful and terrible, and with his strong fingers wrapped at the base of Loki’s neck, Loki figured that he was edging the side of terrible now.

Loki didn’t try to speak, which was fine, because Thor pressed in on his throat harder.

“Brother, why would you?”

Loki worked around the lack of air and forced out, “Because it was stupid.”

Thor laughed, a bitter tinkle in Loki’s ears. “As if you have not done stupider.”

“I overheard your conversation with Sif.”

“Overheard,” Thor repeated.

Loki didn’t argue terminology. “Borrowing from Otherworld? Surely even you recognize the stupidity of that idea.”

Thor was quiet. “It was important,” he said.

“Ah. So you were aware of your foolishness—” The vice around Loki’s neck twisted tighter.

“Loki, I want an explanation.”

Loki made a soft sound to gauge how long his voice would hold out with Thor gradually decreasing his air intake. He chose his words quickly and wisely.

“Spare me a moment of enlightenment, Thor. In the best case possible, you would have left with whatever it is you need so desperately. Merlyn doesn’t find out, or if he does he doesn’t call you upon it. But you’re stealing from Otherworld. You know nothing of their devices Thor, how well do you think that would’ve ended?”

Thor stared at the wall behind him. “My quest would have gone accordingly.”

“Your ruination would hardly be the high point of my year, Thor.”

Thor’s hold tightened and brought Loki to his last reserve of air.

“Ungh.”

Thor let Loki shift and gasp a little before his grip slackened, but he didn’t move his hand and instead pushed his body closer to invade Loki’s space even more.

“But you are Thor,” Loki said. “Trying to do something rather Loki-esque. By the Norns, what possessed you to think you could do this _and get away_?”

Thor hesitated, just a slight pause in his breathing that piqued Loki’s curiosity.

“Did you even think of getting away, or were you too focused on the prize?”

Thor’s fingers twitched at Loki’s neck, tips digging in just so. “Neither of that matters since you sabotaged my attempt.”

Loki gently placed a hand over Thor’s. “May I?” he asked, moving to tug Thor’s grip away.

Thor let his hand fall and Loki briefly passed his fingers over his neck to feel the bruises forming. He sat down on his bed, unmade since Thor had hauled him out of a dead sleep, and motioned for Thor to sit by him.

“Otherworld is not your usual take. There is nothing there for you. Magic and technology, neither of those hold interest for you.”

Thor’s gaze slid to his hands and he briefly picked at his nail. “I had wanted your birthday to be special.”

Loki’s breathing stopped and his mouth tasted of a sudden hot dryness. “You what?”

“My intention was to retrieve a Cloak of Shadows for you.” Thor smiled. “I know you are progressing in your magic, brother. I figured that even if you are far along in invisibility, a Cloak could always prove useful.”

Thor laid an arm over Loki’s shoulder and Loki fought back a tremor and willed his heart to stop beating so hard.

“Besides,” Thor said, tugging Loki close and running a hand to mess his hair, “How else will I get to see that particular trick of yours if I cannot see you?”

Loki was stuck between sitting still with his head pulled against Thor’s shoulder or bolting up to put some much needed distance between himself and his brother. In his indecision, he made the mistake of looking at Thor. Thor was glowing and Loki trembled as he held onto his self-control. Thor’s smile must’ve been made of sunshine because even in Loki’s relatively well-lit rooms, Thor was still the brightest thing in it. His grin seared Loki’s vision and made him wince. Loki wanted to be able to recall every detail of this moment.

Thor’s hand was still on Loki’s head, tangling in his hair and tugging gently when Loki’s small tremors shifted him away. Loki couldn’t disengage Thor’s hand on his own and had to fight the visceral need to shoot to his feet. He settled for a mocking protest.

“Do you think you might let go or should I get a pair of scissors to detach your fingers?”

Thor’s hand fell, sliding out of Loki’s dark hair with little resistance and resting on his knee as he looked at Loki. When Thor didn’t say anything, Loki looked back at him to find all of Thor’s focus on him. Thor rarely had that sort of concentration outside of the battlefield and Loki didn’t like that he was starting to become the target of Thor’s fixed cognition more and more often.

“Such trouble for me. Why, Thor, I am truly touched that you risked Odin’s mighty wrath to fetch me more fitting clothes. I suppose even my presence must be too much to bear in your golden light.”

Thor stood up after Loki, his smile paling at his brother’s words. He raised a hand to touch Loki’s shoulder, but let it fall recalling Loki’s haste to distance himself.

“I chose your birthday because I do not believe I have seen you smile once on the occasion. Mother gets you wonderful books each year, father gets you something you never use and that is the extent of it. Loki, I do not know how it feels to be overlooked, but I imagine it might be like how I feel to see you miserable on a day meant to celebrate you.”

Loki didn’t make the mistake of turning around this time. He kept his arms folded and shifted further away from Thor, unwittingly backing himself into a corner if Thor should choose to pursue.

“And the fact that you sabotaged my trip to Otherworld—” Loki could hear Thor moving closer, footsteps closing the distance Loki had worked hard to gain. “—now I know you did it out of your concern for me, but I do not have anything for your birthday. Please tell me what you would like.”

Loki didn’t say anything. He didn’t refute Thor’s claim of his concern and he didn’t share his desires with Thor. He tensed even before the hand touched his shoulder and Thor drew back, rejected by Loki’s involuntary bristle.

“It took you too long,” Loki said, “to understand how cold and dark it is in your shadow, Thor. What I would like is for you—”

Thor’s arms were around Loki, with no chance for escape as they started to tighten. Loki’s body went into shock as if his blood had turned from ice water to the molten fires of Muspelheim. Thor’s arms were warm, almost burning where bare skin met bare skin. He smelled like the warm air of Asgard. Thor’s chest was against his back and he could feel Thor move to rest his chin on the bone of his shoulder. Thor exhaled and Loki suppressed a shiver that made his knees weak instead. His skin burned with Thor this near, and every subtle shift sent zipping currents along his nerves, startling him and throwing off the delicate indifference he tried to maintain. Thor pressed in tighter, sealing his body to Loki’s with raw power. Loki feared for them both, what could happen if Thor didn’t let go.

Thor’s fingers splayed themselves across Loki’s chest, claiming more of him and leaving Loki with less and less control. Tingles rippled across him, radiating outward from his chest, and Loki mangled his mind with the force required to still his body. It was when Thor’s right hand twitched over his stomach that Loki jerked forward, pulling against Thor’s hug. Sif and the Warriors Three were aware of Thor’s charisma; it was what made him so likable. Loki wasn’t ready to find out how he faired against Thor’s charms, but he had a sinking feeling that he wasn’t immune. He pulled away from Thor, feeling as if Thor’s hands had cauterized his flesh and he didn’t give his body a chance to react.

Mercifully, Thor let go and Loki turned a half-step around to see his brother. He stood with purpose, his hip twisted away from Thor. Loki wasn’t prepared for the sight, and he was beginning to realize that he wouldn’t ever be prepared for the wonderfully delicious and intoxicating expressions that shaped Thor’s face. Thor’s eyebrows were together, slanted in a way that made Loki’s chest clench. He’d seen that expression before on Thor’s face, when Odin denied him, or when he lost battles, or even when he’d just had a bad day. It wasn’t often, but the expression was regular enough that Loki had learned what Thor looked like when disappointed. Thor was never any good at hiding what he was feeling and meeting his brother’s gaze now, Loki watched as Thor’s face shifted into a slow, tender smile. The air left his lungs and locked that way, leaving him breathless. Thor was always smiling; this was no different, Loki reasoned. Except it was, it was a variation of Thor’s many smiles and this one just for his brother. Loki had never seen Thor look so vulnerable. He recognized in Thor an appreciation, if not an understanding, for what his life had been under the golden son.

Loki refused to take any more chances today. “I’m leaving, Thor.”

“Happy birthday, brother.”

 

V

The fifth time Loki sees it he’s set up by Thor, who figured out what Loki was feeling long before Loki could. Loki had entered Thor’s empty rooms uninvited, as usual, with the thoughts of an apology lingering on his tongue. Thor’s birthday gesture had been thoughtful, despite how the beginning starting with a strangling. He wouldn’t admit it, but he appreciated the hug significantly more than a stolen cloak. Whenever he thought of that moment, the center of his chest, right where Thor’s hand had lain, would thrum with currents and sparks.

Loki sat down at his brother’s heavy desk. He still wasn’t sure what Thor used it for or in what misguided hope Odin had it made for him. Their studies didn’t interest Thor, not when there were battles to be fought and adventures to be had. He leaned back in Thor’s chair, noting with a sour heat in his mouth that it was more comfortable than his own. Loki sighed, if he were to ask Thor, the high-backed chair would be his, in a second, with nothing in return. That was Thor’s silly, charitable way. If he were being honest, that had always been the way Thor was with him. He didn’t know that’s what initially got under his skin and made his body sing with electricity whenever Thor was too close.

He settled into the chair with a small wiggle. It was comfortable, but not worn-in like his own. He had toyed with the idea of an apology, not entirely sure of what to say, or if he should say anything. Thor’s absence gave him time to rethink that idea. Thor wasn’t stupid, Loki knew, and he was confident that Thor knew Loki was sorry. He was also aware that Thor would appreciate a verbal apology rather than an unspoken mutual understanding. Loki began to examine Thor’s desk, clean polished wood, a few books that mother had given him. He brushed over the spine of one with his thumb, never read. A trickle of ice settled in his stomach at that, at how different they were and how difficult that made their relationship. Loki would’ve read those books before they had hit the desk. If they’d only had more in common, likes possibly, personality probably, Loki could’ve managed to tolerate or enjoy Thor’s friends, join in on Thor’s activities, get more time with Thor as a result.

The chair swiveled and Loki’s knee brushed against the topmost drawer. With a finger, he slid it open with the precision of a stone skimming the water. There were a few things Thor had collected over the years. An earthenware mug from a Vanaheim feast with Volstagg, a chipped sabre’s tooth from his first Midgardian hunt and even a small spearhead from a particularly gnarly fight with Sif. There was a soft cream tissue over one object and Loki lifted it delicately with two fingers and let go at the first peek, watching as the tissue gently settled back over the hairclip that Loki had made for Etta. Loki remembered tossing it as he left, but he didn’t know his brother had taken it. It meant nothing to Thor, just a bauble that Loki had used to toy with Thor and Etta as if they were his puppets. He hadn’t given it a second thought, yet Thor had saved it, and preserved it. He pushed the drawer closed and his body slumped in the chair at the sheer sentiment his brother tethered to everything.

The door clicked and Loki, vulnerable and startled, forced a quick wash of magic to render him invisible. It was only Thor, but it took Loki longer to decide whether or not to make himself visible again. His brother looked sweaty and tired, but happy. There was a lingering grin on his face, the subtle edge around his mouth where wrinkles would eventually form, still raised from what was probably a good hard fight with the Einherjar.

Thor made Loki’s decision for him when he began to take off his sparring clothes, a sweat-soaked tunic followed by tight trousers. Loki looked away as soon as he realized what was happening, but looked back because they were brothers, and they weren’t strangers to the sight of each other’s bodies. He felt a tight, hot knot of shame in his gut at the need to have looked away in the first place. He shouldn’t be invisible, not right now; he should pop out, scare Thor and walk out like it was his plan to begin with. But Thor peeled off his trousers leg by leg with soft grunts of exertion, and then he tossed his body to the bed with a combination laugh and sigh and Loki knew it was too late.

Loki stayed still in Thor’s chair, at first he watched Thor, appreciating the training that it took for him to build that body, careful to look no lower than his stomach. He steered his mind away from the more turbulent thoughts in his head for a few minutes while Thor seemed to rest quietly, until he stretched and Loki’s mind shot straight to an image of his palm over Thor’s taut stomach as he felt those delicious muscles tighten and release under his touch. He looked away immediately to banish the thought and took a steadying breath as he resolved not to look again and drink in his brother’s flawless body. He succeeded for a bit, looking at everything but Thor, examining the casks of mead stored in the side wall of his room, until he heard a gentle sigh. Loki’s attention snapped over to his brother, with a speed he should’ve been ashamed about, and the sight drowned him.

Thor’s cock was half-hard, jutting up from a thatch of dark gold curls as he stroked it leisurely. His hand was a loose circle around his shaft as he teased himself and withdrew, over and over, soft sounds issuing from his mouth whenever the sensations became too much. Another hand roved the vast expanse of his bronzed chest, skin gradually darkening over his abdomen as fingers pinched at dusky nipples. Loki inhaled a measured breath, all too aware of his breathing and his movements. He had to stay completely still and silent if he had any chance of getting out of this undetected. His face was burning as he continued to watch Thor, envious of his brother’s body, he wished badly for the strength to look away but he was far too weak. Thor’s lips curled around a quiet gasp before teeth reigned in his bottom lip to stay silent. Loki didn’t stand a chance.

Thor eyelids cracked open, a slit that revealed pleasure-lost blue eyes and Loki breathed in. Thor hauled his body up to lean against the headboard. His cock bobbed forward from the movement, the head kissing his belly and smearing a daub of pre-come on his skin. Loki found himself wondering what it would be like, that thick head on his tongue, the tang of his seed, Thor’s hands buried in his hair—if Thor tasted as golden as he looked. Loki choked down a groan at the thought, quiet, but still too loud for his own ears.

Thor’s moan went right through him, covering his own sounds and causing his cock to twitch like it was possessed. Loki ignored the insistent bulge pressing against the front of his trousers. No, Thor was breathtaking and wonderful, but he wasn’t arousing, and definitely not to Loki. Thor’s thumb glided over his slit, spreading a clear bead of pre-spend that had gathered there. His other hand trailed down from his chest to gently roll his heavy sac in his fingers. Loki swallowed hard and pressed a flat palm against his chest hoping that his heart wasn’t beating too loudly. He didn’t even dare entertain the thought of touching his own hardening length.

Loki’s tongue wetted dry lips as Thor’s free hand pushed back spun-gold threads of hair that had become loose from the tie at the nape of his neck. His fingertips grazed over taut nipples again, giving rise to breathy sighs from Thor. Loki would never have guessed Thor was this vocal, the noises of Thor’s pleasure sent errant snaps of excitement through his body. Loki fought the tension in his limbs urging him to touch Thor, to press his hands over tanned skin and skate his fingerpads across cords of muscle, simply curious to see if he could draw out the same sounds. In effort to ease the strain and rid himself of the distraction, he carefully and quietly pulled his cock free, taking pains not to mishandle the sensitive flesh. He had no intention of reducing himself to Thor’s state.

Thor pumped his shaft more thoroughly now, fist twisting at his cockhead and stretching out laboured breaths. Loki watched as his hips jerked up for more each time Thor teased his leaking slit, it was rhythmic, like a dance to music that only Thor could hear. A quick flitting thumb here, a tight grasp there, Thor was his own tormentor from what Loki could see. A particularly hard tug sent Thor’s ass dipping sharply into the bed to dull the excess stimulation. His lips were parted and a deep groan was followed by a breathy laugh at his own strength. He spread his legs and planted the soles of his feet firmly on the bedding before eagerly resuming his task. Loki longed to trace Thor’s blissed out features with a finger because he had never seen those full lips contorted in such a way, his brows knitted in pleasure and his cheeks and chest sporting a deep flush.

The mere sight of Thor, laid back and eyes screwed shut as his fist worked hard earned a strangle groan from the back of Loki’s throat. He was too lost in Thor to care about being quiet. Loki’s legs had fallen slack, and between his wide thighs was a protruding, angry cock, so hard it was curving to rest over his stomach. Loki gently pushed it back down with the pad of a thumb to avoid leaving trails of pre-come over his shirt. His attention slipped from Thor to his own weeping need; he had never dribbled this profusely before and was running out of clean-up options fast. He wiped the fluid with a few fingers, looked at it briefly before sticking them in his mouth and licking it down. He doubted that Thor tasted as bitter as he did, and raised his eyes back to his brother to see Thor copy him. He had licked a stripe across his palm, but paused to wet his fingertips to brush it over his leaking cockhead. Loki barely restrained a gasp as Thor’s fingers flew back to his mouth to taste himself. His head fell back, strands of hair sticking to his damp face, a soft groan as he waited, licking his lips clean before palming the base of his shaft, fingers curling around his twitching balls and he squeezed.

The sounds Thor made were wholly indecent, shameful even, and Loki hated that he was responsive to the noises from Thor’s mouth, almost more than just the sight of Thor. His cock thickened as Thor’s eyes opened again, blazing and clear, scanning the room in a way that made Loki’s heart freeze and forced him to double check his invisibility. Thor’s free hand found the table by his bed though, and he tugged open the drawer for a small bottle of oil. Loki saw that it was almost empty, just enough drops for Thor to slick over his hard length before continuing. Loki shivered with the realization that not only was Thor prepared, but that this was a regular enough occurrence for him to run out of the oil he used on himself. Loki’s mouth was dry as he tried to swallow down that truth, but it just sent wildly inappropriate currents to spur on his demanding cock.

Loki didn’t know how long he could continue to stay here. He would have to wait for Thor to finish and fall asleep before leaving, he had blown his chances within the first few minutes to pretend it was a joke. But he couldn’t stay here, not like this, with his cock pointing straight up and begging him for a hand. Loki’s eyes were still fixed on Thor, and the perfect curve of his shaft, when he took a deep breath and wrapped a hand around his cock with disgust twisting his lips. The relief was immediate. He matched Thor’s actions with intent, determined to believe that he was just helping himself to feel what Thor was feeling, to see if he could get a taste of the sunshine that Thor bathed in so often. He wasn’t interested in Thor, he was simply curious, to try his hand at his brother’s talents.

With the pressure being relieved by his hand, Loki had more attention to devote to Thor. His tongue darted out over his lips in effort to effectively mimic Thor’s actions, but he caught much more than mechanics and found himself lingering on Thor’s face. His expression went from relaxed to strained and back again, and Loki realized he was actively resisting his pinnacle. His lips were drawn tight; holding off from expressing his frustration with a voice that Loki was sure would be pleasure-roughened by now. Loki didn’t have the same strength of will and he had held off for long enough while Thor had started. He abandoned his quest to mimic Thor and his hand flashed over his length, his sac still trapped in his trousers because he needed to maintain some sense of control. Loki whimpered, just a small sound, when his balls tightened and his body told him that it wouldn’t be long.

Thor’s reserve snapped, his lips were free and red from being pressed so tightly, and his mouth curved around a loud moan, his eyes barely open as he watched his hand urgently work his cock. Thor lost control right before Loki’s eyes, and Loki’s heart paused at the sound. As the first few spurts of cream arced over Thor’s chest, he shouted hoarsely.

“L-Loki, fuck!”

Loki held back a shout of surprise, much to his relief, but his eyes widened in disbelief. Thor’s cock kept twitching though, lacing his chest with thick white ropes, and Thor was still moaning through it all. Thor’s hand was a tight circle at the base of his length as he aimed away from his face, occasionally stroking to get everything out. His cock dribbled out the last remains and Thor’s head lolled to the side, eyes only half open as a lazy grin warmed his face and made a tender spot in Loki’s chest ache.

“Loki,” Thor said, looking directly at the chair his brother sat in.

His body short-circuited, and Loki was too numb to even look down to check on his invisibility spell. It didn’t matter, Loki could feel that he was no longer cloaked, and even if he couldn’t, Thor was looking at the chair with a smile that was saved for his little brother.

Loki barely managed to wrap his tongue around his words. “How long did you know I was here?”

Thor’s grin split open his face, teeth shining and his post-orgasmic laziness gone as he pushed his body into a more dignified resting position. His hair was mussed with the tie just barely keeping his ponytail fastened and he breathed deeply and thoroughly, looking utterly satisfied.

“I felt your magic in the air as soon as I stepped in, but I figured it was merely a trace from earlier because you were not around. I was more suspicious when I heard sounds that clearly were not from me. I knew you were in the chair before long.”

Loki’s face crumpled. He knew he wasn’t silent, but he thought he had been quiet enough to be undetected, especially with Thor already preoccupied. Thor’s soft laugh drew him from grinding his mind into dust.

“So, what, Thor? You meant to embarrass me?”

“That depends, Loki.”

“On what?”

“Your degree of enjoyment.”

It was that moment that Loki remembered his hard cock, shying between his legs from the alarm. Being caught had numbed him temporarily, forced him into dealing with the more immediate situation at hand. He shoved his cock back into his pants, a tighter fit than this morning, and he could feel his face burning as Thor laughed once again.

“Seems as though you were having a decent time.”

“Thor, I swear, if you—”

“I am glad.”

Loki looked at him, and found his warm eyes wide and sincere. His expression had softened the hard angles of his face, his features relaxed, his smile less prominent and Loki’s heart stopped.

“You walk around, Loki, looking lost for the world, looking like no one loves you and that no one ever could. I am glad that you got to feel that you are not. You are very much desired and loved, brother.”

“You set me up for this?”

Thor’s smile formed into a thoughtful press of his lips. “Dear brother, I am flattered that you credit me for this. No, I could not have predicted this would happen, and I am not aware of the steps it would take to engineer this. You are better with these types of schemes than I, Loki. I was determined to release some tension after my fight—that you were here for that moment was a happy accident. One that, admittedly, I did twist to my advantage.”

“Why would you think that I could enjoy something like this? Watching you… alleviate yourself?”

“Ah,” Thor said, looking the slightest bit unsure and guilty. “I had suspected your feelings toward me. I watched them grow over the years. I assumed it was just brotherly love for a while, what other possibility was there? I had to compensate for my own feelings. It stopped being my projection when I caught the cues: sneaked glances, defensive behaviour, attempts to tolerate my friends. There was the prospect that your feelings were not reciprocal, but I assumed if you did not want to witness me, you would simply have left.”

“My magic has not progressed enough to evaporate, Thor…”

“You were still free to use the door. I would not have judged you.”

“But you would have been disappointed.”

Thor’s lips tilted to the side at the first hint of Loki testing their feelings. He wanted to coax Loki gently into this unfamiliar territory, but by the Norns, he had waited for this day a long time coming and didn’t know if he had the restraint to do this properly.

“Immensely.”

Loki’s own smile was tentative and vulnerable, just a small twist of his lips and his eyes less guarded. His gaze raked over Thor’s body, where his spent cock was lying over his belly and his seed had painted his chest and stomach.

“So that was a show for me?”

“I suppose so, brother. Now come here.”

Loki stumbled to his feet, surprised at Thor’s assertiveness and his compliance to it. To cover for it, he stood and tucked in Thor’s chair, a gesture that Thor watched an amused quirk of his lips. Loki had some difficulty walking with his cock trapped in his trousers, hindering his steps.

“Take off your clothes?” Thor asked, careful not to sound too excited.

Loki caught Thor’s eyes. He was concerned with Loki’s level of comfort and the lax lines on his face offered him an out, if he didn’t want to continue this further. He hesitated, but Thor made no move to help and simply watched him with a small smile meant to reassure him of his safety in Thor’s presence. Loki’s fingers trembled taking off his tunic, discarding it on the floor by Thor’s desk. He took a few steps toward Thor.

“The trousers, too, maybe?”

Loki’s fingers went unwillingly to his garments and he paused. He did not look like Thor. His body wasn’t something that anyone was envious of and it didn’t matter how hard he had tried, he would never be able to match Thor’s glorious bronze tone and packs of ropey muscle. But he was Loki and he wasn’t in the habit of putting stock in others’ opinions of him, so he decided that he wouldn’t fear his brother’s reaction and yanked his trousers down in one sweep. He didn’t have anything left to lose and it was Thor’s tough luck if he didn’t like what he was asking for. Loki stared at him, willing Thor to defy him and say something innocuously tactless to snap him back to reality and make them both regret this decision.

But Thor was speechless, eyes tracing every bit of Loki’s exposed skin like fingers. Thor’s tongue swiped out over his lips as he took in the first clear sight of Loki’s cock, rising just for him. His throat bobbed with a swallow and Loki’s fingers curled around his shaft, stroking up just once to hide it from Thor’s burning gaze and to relieve some of the discomfort of his arousal. A shiver crept up Loki’s spine under Thor’s stare, to be looked at instead of looked through was one thing, but to be appreciated and desired was an exhilarating and unfamiliar experience. It made him needy.

Thor made a soft noise of disapproval in the back of his throat, but his words were gentle. “No, please stop that. Come here, Loki. You have had enough of your own hand for today.”

Loki’s hand fell and he walked over to Thor, his cock bobbing each step. Thor’s bottom lip was trapped between his teeth at the sight and he couldn’t take it, Loki’s slow unsure steps. He reached out with a hand and grasped Loki’s wrist, tugging him toward the bed. Loki stumbled with the movement and landed on Thor’s chest, only to scramble back and see that he had gotten Thor’s cream over him. Loki retracted like he had been burned and Thor winced, seeing what happened when he didn’t have the patience Loki required. He cursed himself and went forward to Loki, who was staring at Thor’s seed over his stomach as if it were venom meant to sear his skin.

“Loki, you are okay, brother. I will clean you up.” Thor’s tone was reassuring and nostalgic, reminiscent of the cuts and scrapes of their boyhood youth.

Thor’s head dipped down to drag a tongue up the thickest smear of cum just around Loki’s waist. His eyes were trained on Loki’s face the entire time and he pulled back after the first lick, unsure because he wasn’t able to get a read on Loki’s thoughts.

“How are you? Are you okay, Loki?”

Loki made a strangled sound before plunging his hands in Thor’s hair, tearing out the tie completely from the back of his head. Thor’s lips broke wide in a grin; the concern that had tightened his face gave way to the more familiar arousal.

“If you are not comfortable with this, I can get a washcloth to clean you—”

“No,” Loki said. His voice wavered a fraction, enough for Thor to notice. “Continue.”

Thor’s smile softened, the hard edges of his lips sinking a bit as he realized how young and inexperienced Loki was.

“We do not have to do anything with which you are not comfortable, Loki. You are young yet—”

“Continue,” Loki repeated, voice stronger with a lilt of a demand in it.

Thor obeyed. His hands pressed slowly on Loki’s shoulders, urging him to lay back. His brother felt so frail and slight under his palms. He could snap Loki in two if he moved wrong. A knot twisted in Thor’s stomach as he bent his head to lap at Loki’s skin, and clean the traces of himself from his brother. He had always felt like he had to protect Loki, but cleaning his brother of himself brought up the fact that he had done this to Loki. His hands explored Loki while Loki’s grip remained fastened to his hair. He felt the planes of Loki’s body, so different from his own, much more delicate, refined. Thinner skin over his chest, enough that Thor could feel the slightest flutterings of Loki’s heartbeat.

His tongue swirled just under Loki’s navel and Loki drew in a quiet stuttered breath. The corner of Thor’s lips quirked up and he did it again, the action quickly followed by a gasp and fingertips digging into his scalp. Thor ran the flat of his tongue hard against Loki’s stomach and was rewarded with the quietest of moans. The sound went straight to his cock, a twitch bringing life back to it again. He realized then, when Loki’s fingers pressed his head into the same direction, that Loki was young, but he was not inexperienced. Nor was he as fragile as Thor assumed, a sensation rather than a thought that occurred to him as Loki’s stomach flexed and rippled with each drag of Thor’s tongue over his skin. Loki was shattering his expectations minute by minute and Thor didn’t know how long it would take before he was drowned under the weight of who Loki truly was.

He took his last lick over Loki’s body, one for good measure to make sure his brother was clean and then he promptly sat back with his calves tucked beneath his thighs, cock raised with interest. He lifted his eyes back to Loki’s and saw his brother’s innocence crumple his features.

“Oh, Loki…”

Loki looked back at him. His eyes boring into Thor’s head. Loki’s eyes had glassed over, a shield to separate Thor from what was happening inside. Thor looked closer and realized the epiphany that Loki was having.

_What have we done, brother?_

Loki’s fingers splayed over his stomach, rubbing the wet trails left by Thor’s tongue. They both watched his hand trace the slick tracks. They had shared an intimate moment, not as brothers, but as lovers. A boundary had been crossed without even thinking. Thor didn’t know if they could take it back; didn’t know if he even cared to. Loki’s fingertips brushed over a trace of Thor’s come that Thor had somehow missed in his desire to taste Loki. Loki looked at it and then looked at Thor before slowly drawing his finger up to smear the cream over his bottom lip and then lick it up. Thor was entranced by the sight of Loki’s pink tongue sliding over his lips. Loki couldn’t taste enough of it, of the sunshine mix from the golden son. He was lost in the tang of it, fighting to savour it on his tongue before it melted away. His eyes locked onto Thor to see him holding onto his restraint, but only just. A small smirk at the edge of his lips ruined Thor and he surged forward on his knees to catch Loki in an embrace and kiss him feverishly, all over and then on the mouth.

The silent question of their relationship hung in the air as Thor devoured Loki’s mouth. He couldn’t come this close to Loki, to having him like this, to give it up now. The thought destroyed him, made him whimper against the edge of Loki’s mouth. Loki felt Thor’s breath on his cheek, offering something that made his gut clench but his head light. He kissed Thor back, more calmly than Thor had done. Loki’s kiss was sweet and tender, with a careful nip to Thor’s lower lip when he drew back to ensure that Thor didn’t assume Loki was completely soft.

When they gave up kissing each other, Thor broke away and rested his forehead against Loki’s. Loki inhaled carefully through his nose, not wanting to betray how much he had lost himself to Thor’s lips. Thor had no such qualms and freely breathed his relief. He stared into Loki’s eyes for a time, noticing a new light behind them that he hadn’t seen since their childhood. Thor sat back on his thighs with a grin that made him look lost to the world. He laughed softly.

“That was perfect.”

Loki only nodded but his face numbed a moment after, and he was too silent for Thor’s liking. Thor extended a hand toward him, meant to reassure his brother but he stopped short when he saw Loki flinch. A lock clamped Thor’s chest tight and he couldn’t breathe; Loki’s doubt was crippling.

“What is it?” he whispered.

“Thor, we’re…” Loki faltered, not daring to look at Thor to have his words stolen by the agony in his eyes. “Thor, we’re brothers.”

Thor’s trapped breath came out in a rush and he tipped forward as he deflated, sliding his legs out from under him. He choked in a difficult breath and stood up from the bed, pacing over to the window to put distance between them. His cock had wilted significantly between his legs and he couldn’t find his voice fast enough as he stared through the window, watching his hopes race away.

“Doesn’t that bother you, Thor?”

Thor glanced at Loki, regretting the glimpse as soon as it burned into his retinas. Loki looked so small, so childlike on his bed despite being a proficient spellcaster and a becoming young man. Loki was meant to be protected by Thor, not corrupted and violated. Thor felt his body reject the last hour, bile churning in his stomach making him want to fall to his knees. The taste of his own come lingered in his mouth and it was a bitter flavour. He looked away from Loki again.

“It used to,” Thor spoke.

“What changed?”

“We grew, we fought, we drifted for a time. I ached throughout it all. But when I pieced it together, that perhaps what urged you to keep your distance was what made me keep mine, everything changed. It did not matter that you were my brother. You were Loki, the one yoked to me since birth, for better or worse, and you were suffering.”

“Suffering,” Loki repeated, the word echoing on his tongue.

Thor had realized and observed and then decided that the label of brother stood in the way of healing someone he loved, and so he had cast it aside. Loki’s depravity ran differently, his qualms with their blood ties was also an untapped appeal. Whereas Thor was selfless in the bending of his morality for the sake of Loki’s happiness, Loki’s desire was darker. For him, finding the golden son in his hands was an exquisitely pleasurable tangle, to separate Thor from brother and brother from lover and just when he’d done that, to merge them again and make in it a whole Thor who could sacrifice his own ideals for a Loki whose hurts he could heal.

“You hurt to be loved, Loki. Everywhere you turned, you were starved and strangled. And I could not understand why. You were brilliant and mischievous, and while that may not have been the best combination for an Asgardian, you were also warm in the right places. I did not understand why no one else saw that or why you hurt so much to be around me later in our lives.

“Then you told me that it was me, that you were wilting in my shadow and that my shadow prevented you from getting the love you deserved. And I thought, was this true, was this what that prevented you from getting attention, for having the love you deserved? And I dug further to find that whether or not it was the case, I would be the one to fix it. I decided would love you enough to make up for everyone else who you found lacking. As I endeavoured this, I realized, I already did. I already did love you and perhaps it was the disparate strength of our presences or perhaps it was my own selfish desire to have you myself. But it was my doing that you found yourself wanting, and it would be by my hand to undo that.”

“Thor…”

“So you have it, Loki. I do not care that we are brothers bound in blood, because stronger than that is my love, a bind much more desirable to me. You have only to say it though, brother, and I will sever it if it disturbs you so much.”

Loki scrambled off the bed, ignited to action by his distress. Thor’s admission had made him weak, but it had touched something deeper inside Loki. 

“No. No, Thor. I want this. I want you. Thor, you’ve no idea how long—brother, you are honourable in this. I’m—I am not. I love that we’re brothers. I want you _because_ you’re my brother. It runs so deep in me, Thor, this corruption. To desire you is one thing, everyone desires you. But to need you because you are my brother… I only figured you would feel shame when you realized what we’d done and the lines we had crossed.”

Thor’s mind clicked into a full stop to process Loki’s words. His body was suddenly alive with electricity and he felt as if he’d been thrown into the middle of a storm of his own creation. The cold-water sensation drained out of his body to be replaced with liquid energy filling his center and radiating outward. His mind was slower to get the message, to work through the shock, past his overreached conclusion of Loki’s rejection to arrive at the facts. Loki wanted him, too. But Loki didn’t care that they were brothers, by the Norns, he hadn’t even had the same struggle Thor had over the idea, no, Loki openly admitted to enjoying what that particular brand of corruption brought to their relationship. And through the entire revelation, Thor’s blood had simmered into a boil with arousal for the brother he had thought was disgusted with him.   

“The lines we have crossed, brother?” Thor said, the hint of a smirk playing over his lips. “Why, you have only just spied on me during a private moment. I think we barely even tiptoed over the line. How about we take a more admirable leap this time?”

Loki nearly choked at Thor’s disparity. “A leap, Thor? Like what?”

Thor’s eyes dragged a slow line down Loki’s body where his cock stood proud still, a giveaway of Loki’s thoughts the entire time if Thor had bothered to look. He pulled Loki against him, crushing his body to his brother’s and large hands pawing a path down his body before stopping to grip his cock. Loki felt he could get lost under Thor’s hands.

“How about my mouth, to start?”

Loki’s eyes were closed tight, forcing himself to restrain his enjoyment of Thor’s body pressed close to his. Loki groaned quietly when Thor pulled back and he snaked a hand around the back of Thor’s neck to bring him close again.

Loki opened his eyes, breathing out his words. “Your mouth would be lovely, I’m sure. But for right now, let me savour this.”

Thor’s chuckle went right through him and Loki breathed in. “Why, dearest brother, does this overwhelm you?”

Loki’s hips jutted forward and his fingertips dug into the back of Thor’s neck. “Don’t call me that.”

For a second, Thor had thought he had transgressed. He didn’t mind that they were brothers, it was a fact that was immaterial to him now but he was aware that most people wouldn’t see it that way. But Loki wasn’t most people and with the tip of Loki’s cock smearing trails of pre-come over his stomach, he realized that Loki was aroused by Thor’s usual term of endearment.

“Oh, Loki,” Thor said quietly, voice lowering deviously. “You seem to have needed this more than I did.”

“Hush, Thor. Will you not let me enjoy this in peace?”

“Enjoy, what, my darling brother?” Thor relished in hearing Loki’s breath catch. “Enjoy my body against yours, that is all you want? Look how disparate we are, Loki. Your skin is much fairer than mine, and your hands are not rough like these. Your arms are leaner, legs too. Your body is softer, lovelier than these hard angles I own. Why, even look at your face…”

Thor stopped, thumb tracing over Loki’s cheekbones. He couldn’t maintain the concentration of a monologue to worship Loki when he turned his gaze on his brother’s face. Loki was beautiful. He was right on the cusp of manhood, still possessing soft skin, but underneath were the edges of hard lines. His jaw was strong, set right and Thor brushed a few fingers over it before plying Loki’s lips with a thumb. He touched the full petal of Loki’s bottom lip before Loki’s mouth opened invitingly. His eyes were a hazy green, lost in the pleasure of being with Thor, being swathed by his presence, but they were sharp in their focus and not once did he look away from his brother. He was suddenly sympathetic in understanding how quickly Loki had been overwhelmed. It was not as if they had ever had a chance to revel in each other before.

“Bed?” Thor managed to ask around his breathlessness.

Loki could only exhale a shaky grin and he backed up until the edge of the bed pressed against the backs of his knees.

“This is not too fast, is it?” Thor asked.

“No.” Loki shook his head. “Perfect.”

Thor’s heart stilled and the moment was seared into his memory. Loki, wanting and happy, on his bed. They were both a little nervous, but it was comfortable and not as awkward as Thor had envisioned. He was stricken by his capacity to bring Loki happiness with the smallest of actions.

The rush of the revelation made Thor light-headed and impulsive as he surged forward to kiss Loki’s open, panting mouth. Thor took his time, moving with Loki properly to fit their lips together in a seal that made Thor question why he hadn’t done this sooner. Thor’s tongue eagerly lapped out at Loki’s lips and Loki’s mouth parted in the slightest, enough for Thor to gently flick his tongue against Loki’s, a tantalizing hint of the paradise left unexplored as Thor slid down Loki’s body. Loki was left wanting more, a soft cry from his lips and a forcible tug on Thor’s hair as his fingers slipped over his brother’s scalp.

Thor flashed Loki a grin that made him weak and descended further, stopping momentarily to lay a long swipe from Loki’s chest to his navel. From there, his mouth fell directly over Loki’s hard, insistent cock. Loki’s surprised intake of breath was music to Thor’s ears and he delighted at the tightening of the hands in his hair. His hips stuttered forth when Thor drew his warm mouth back to his tip, tonguing the weeping slit with the flat of his tongue. Loki was lost, his head tipping back, mildly aware of trying not to grip Thor’s hair too hard, but his thoughts were tumbling over one another for attention— _fuck Thor your mouth burning brother Norns my fucking brother, my fucking brother_ —before being wiped away into whiteness as Thor’s wet lips slid inch by inch down his shaft.

Loki had waited so long without realizing that this is what he had needed. Not Thor to step aside and let him shine, or Thor to become the second, less-favoured son, but for Thor to give himself to Loki the way everyone gave themselves to Thor. For Thor to cherish and respect and love him the way Loki had fought against feeling for Thor. Loki’s hips canted upward and he heard Thor choke, a soft sound, followed by a fleeting withdrawal that had a desperate whine escape Loki’s throat.

Thor pulled his mouth from Loki, looking at him with his eyebrows raised and eyes wide, his mouth an embarrassed line. Thor hadn’t been able to fully take Loki into his mouth and he was shamed for it, barely meeting Loki’s gaze for fear of dissatisfaction.

“Thor,” Loki said. “That was wonderful, but we’re risking me spilling early if you continue with that mouth of yours.”

Thor’s lips quirked in a grin. He understood what Loki had done and was grateful for it, and showed it by bending to kiss him again. Loki tasted himself on Thor, and while he missed the flavour of Thor’s cream, there was something undeniably wrong to have Thor saturated so thoroughly in his own scent. The perversity of it made his cock twitch and dribble pre-come. Loki groaned into Thor’s mouth, still warm and inviting as ever. Thor moved back, and looked down Loki’s body, saw his cock flushed red and slid his way back down for a second attempt.

Loki’s fingers wound into Thor’s golden mane and tightened. “I’m serious, Thor. I want this to last longer than I can bear with your mouth on me.”

“As you wish, brother.” Thor drew his body back up, sliding against Loki and thinking how blessed he must be to have not just Loki, but Loki his brother, in his bed for him to prove how much he was desired.

In the movement upwards, Thor’s cock dragged slickly against Loki’s and he felt Loki press upwards to get more contact. Loki pulled back to breathe and watch Thor slide his shaft over his own, his cockhead kissing Loki’s stomach with each overzealous thrust. Loki went mad at the sight of it, Thor’s dick brushing over his, thicker and darker. Thor’s golden curls tickled when Loki bucked up against him, their rhythm sloppy but decadent. Loki’s hands wound in Thor’s sheets, fabric clenched between thin fingers as Thor’s hips rolled over his again.

He felt ungrounded and floating away from the sight. Loki needed to participate, feel his hands on Thor and have the power to steer Thor under his touch. In an attempt to weight himself back to the moment, Loki reached down and gripped both cocks loosely in one hand, the remnants of oil from Thor’s earlier session easing the friction. Their thrusts were more precise now, measured grinding instead of aimless rubbing. Thor sucked in a breath of air at the feel of Loki’s hand around his shaft. His fingers were different, slighter and gentler, but what set Thor’s skin ablaze was the knowledge that it was his brother’s hand was upon him, stroking them in tandem to experience this together.

Thor couldn’t bear it, the sight of Loki’s tongue peeking out of his mouth in an effort not to slip up and let their tenuously established rhythm get thrown off. He didn’t dare glance down at his cock, shamelessly rutting against Loki, for fear the sight would send him over the edge. He instead focused his energies on Loki, on pleasing him further and he set his mouth to Loki’s neck, pondering the slighter curves as his tongue traced over the valley of his collarbone. His teeth grazed over Loki’s skin and he caught the soft stutter of a breath as Loki tried desperately to keep control from slipping from his grasp.

Thor’s eyes flashed up at him, bathed in a wicked light as he shifted his weight to slide a hand between them. Thor took just one look down their bodies and groaned, having seen more than enough to guide his hand properly. His fist clamped down over Loki’s, still wrapped around their cocks, but Thor added pressure. The light, grazing thrusts evolved into a slicker and dirtier assault on their bodies. Loki writhed against the sensation, his spine curved into a beautiful arch under Thor’s gaze, and he spilled with a shout, spurting cream to coat his and Thor’s hands and belly. Thor had dreamed of this moment, of seeing Loki lost and undone, without any hint of the weight he carried around as Odin’s lesser son.

The sight Loki made mixed with the heady realization that Thor had caused his brother’s state brought about Thor’s own release. His hand tightened around their shafts, lubricated with Loki’s spendings, and Thor groaned loudly. His sac drew close to his body and he thought of how lush Loki looked, how incredibly lucky he was to be able to bed and love Loki, as delicate and fine as he was, and that Loki should choose him in return.

Loki had barely enough energy to move with Thor, but Thor chased completion with a vengeance as he rutted against Loki. Greedy, Loki thought, going for a second. But with a strangled shout, Thor’s seed coated Loki’s stomach and dribbled over his wilting shaft before Thor fell to his side, resting a moment before leaning to drag a tongue over Loki to clean him.

Loki groaned and struggled under Thor, but eventually managed to get the strength to pull his brother back up.

“Not now, Thor. Let’s just relax.” Loki’s body was a limp sprawl over Thor’s sheets.

Thor smiled and kissed Loki’s temple. “Whatever you wish, brother.”

Loki was sleepy and more than ready to drift off. Thor had exhausted him both physically and emotionally, but in a way that finally gave him peace and satiation. The weight tethered to him that screamed _second best, no one’s choice_ had been loosed by Thor. The golden-haired son had been all too ready to pleasure Loki into oblivion, and he had done a damn good job of it. Loki couldn’t remember a time where he had felt as satisfied as this and there was no one before Thor who made restraint into cruel challenge. Loki was proud of his restraint, of his ability to devour immediate reactions and form them into meticulous schemes. It was his first resort in piloting his own destiny, since everyone had seemed to peg him into their own stereotypes. But Thor, and his damn cock, had turned breathing into gasping and gasping into moaning without any idea of what he had accomplished. Loki mused on the thought for a while, absentmindedly rubbing the come on his stomach and mixing his with Thor’s, but he lacked the necessary brain power to come to a solid conclusion. He gave up conjecturing and looked at Thor.

Thor was staring at him, as if he’d been waiting for Loki, but he was patient and wouldn’t have broken Loki’s reverie before its time.

“What were you thinking, brother?”

Loki shook his head gently. “Nothing, Thor.”

“Not doubts about what we have embarked upon?”

Loki’s laugh was self-conscious and Thor thought he heard a touch of reproachfulness.

“No, at least not at the moment.”

A shadow passed behind Thor’s eyes, a quick flash of worry and Loki offered Thor a small smile, lips curled at the edges in a way that made Thor’s heart still and his mind stop humming.

“No doubts about the… mechanics, nor anything else that goes with the nature of our relationship. If I had, it would be for your sake, Thor. Deception is not your second skin—”

Thor closed his eyes and reopened them when Loki had stopped talking.

“Brother, whatever challenges we face, I have you to help me through them. I always have, and I do not for a second take that for granted. I do not know where we will go or what will come of us, but this moment here is enough for me. To get to show you how much you are appreciated and wanted and needed is one thing, but today I have made you believe in that. Loki, that is more a gift to me than any time we spend together, although, I do cherish that time more than any grand adventure. Loki, you are my brother and I trust you.”

Thor smiled and Loki stopped breathing. He’d never seen this smile on Thor’s face. His head was pillowed against a curled bicep and he watched Loki, his chest falling and rising gently with each breath. His hair was mussed, with a few strands sticking to his face from the exertion, but he stared at Loki like he had never encountered another living being before. His lips were curved with a delicate, sloping smile, one that mirrored the fracture in Loki’s heart at the sight.

Loki’s chest clamped down tight and he didn’t even attempt to breathe. This smile, this was the one. He had seen Thor’s other’s smiles, up close sometimes, and seen ones that Thor saved just for him, but this one was vastly different. Thor’s lips held the weight of their future in a simple curve of his mouth. Loki could only blink in response, Thor’s smile breaking him apart second by second to reach a truth he had known all along. Though this expression was the one he loved the most on Thor’s face now, what Loki had fallen for without hesitation was Thor’s very first expression of love.

 


End file.
